Class of Embarrassment | A Memoir Post

Another memoir post.  My goal is to do one of these a week and then my memoir will be ready in about 2 years!  We’ll see if I can keep it up, I’d love the constructive criticism, so please leave me comments or message me!

I’m sitting at my desk when I overhear Jason talking about his daughter being in dance.  She does everything from ballet, to lyrical and she just signed up for jazz.  He isn’t talking to me thankfully because I start to zone out, thinking back to when I was a teenager.  I danced at Arizona Dance & Company and I too did everything from lyrical to hip hop to musical theater.  That isn’t where my mind went though, it went to one particular jazz class.

I walked into the small waiting room, looking through the glass window to see that the class before mine was just about to finish.  I drop my bag to the floor and take my cappezios out before kicking the bag under the bench that ran across the wall.  Against the other wall Sherrie, the owner, has her back turned and is focusing on some papers and Christie, her daughter, is sitting looking at what looks to be a magazine.

I’m the first one to arrive from my class but the other 5 girls should be here soon.  It’s a small quaint class, and I so far it’s one of my favorite classes that I’ve taken.  There is a new teacher this year, Emily.  She has super short blonde hair, she’s spunky.  Over the next 5 minutes the rest of my class shows up.  Just in time as the door opens up and Emily wishes the previous class well and welcomes us saying, “we’ve got a great class today girls!” 

I quickly walk in among the other girls, all of us giddily chatting about what today might bring.  After we’ve warmed up and started to work on our recital routine.  The recital is still months away thankfully because we have only learned about a quarter of the dance.  There is still about 30 minutes left in the class when things start to turn south.

Emily calls Christie and her friend, Lynette, in to help her demonstrate what she wants us to do.  I proceed to watch Christie and Lynette lock arms so that Emily can sit on top of them before doing some fancy move off.  Everyone seems super excited about it, Emily calls three of the other girls and shows them how to lock arms in a circle leaving room for 3 girls to sit. 

Panic starts to rise in me.  Does she really expect them to be able to hold me?  I’m by far the largest girl in the class.  Involuntarily my head starts to shake back and forth and I start to back away from the group.  I quietly after Emily has finished showing what we are to do and Christie and Lynette are helping girls get into place and practicing, I ask Emily if she will switch me to a base instead.

Ugh… No Lauren, I need you to do what I told you to do.”  I’ve never asked for anything in class and always done what I was told, to the best of my ability of course, but the tone of her voice made it seem like my request was offensive and outlandish.  Redness rose to my face as soon as the word No came out of her mouth.  Shame overcame me as I sulked over to my classmates.  Tears welled in my eyes as I tried my best to keep from hurting my fellow classmates. 

My heart wasn’t in it for the rest of the class.  I fought every urge to just leave and not come back, but I did finish.  I walked out the door quickly, being the first to grab my things and leave.  I didn’t even change my shoes before hopping on my bike to ride home.  As I rode the cool night air whipped at me and sent chills down my exhausted and sweaty body; while tears silently streamed down my face.

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